Different types of Whatsapp friends in a group chat

Nowadays people are getting more and more blablabla bla blabla blabla bla blabla bla blablabla…

This is me reading a convo, not taking a mirror selfie…

The ones who are “always in” for every plan but never actually show up…

They are only nice and outgoing on Whatsapp but never in real life (well, how would I know? I never get to see them, because they don’t show up. How are we friends again?). I think that if they say “no” on Whatsapp, they will go to the Whatsapp hell… They are pickier about their social media life than the real deal. Yo! Just tell us you can’t!

The silent spies…

WHO READ EVERYTHING BUT NEVER SPEAK… but will occasionally send screenshots whenever 2 people on the group argue about who was the first who suggested to watch “Logan” on Friday… and I thank you for that, you little creeps…

The image senders

They only do one thing: send pictures to the group without any emotions or captions. I am sometimes afraid to reply “hahaha”… so I wait for someone else to do it first… but again if nobody replies (we are all waiting for someone else to do it), I get scared they will get offended and will try mentally to kill me. So I “LOL” with sweats pouring down my face… THE CYCLE OF LIFE.

The foreigners

They never speak and all the admins in the world are too afraid to remove them. We only notice that they are alive (and still in the group) when they change their phone numbers for the eighth time.

The friends who only reply to jokes but NEVER to an important question

Y tho?

The emoji communicators

I will assume that they have forgotten how to make proper sentences, because sometimes searching for the perfect emoji takes more time than writing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”… just sayin’…

The friends who are 24/7 active but talk nonsense ALL THE TIME

Will they make it to the event? I don’t know.

Will they participate in the group gift? I don’t know.

Will they pick me up from the airport? I don’t know.

The friends who “hahahaha” all the time

They only have ONE type of answer whatever the topic of the conversation is. I think it’s their kind of bookmark: by “hahahaha”ing they will know what they’ve already read of the ongoing conversation. “Lemme tel u z story abt how he died…” “hahahaha” “zey first shaved his head zen put him in z backseat of a white car…” “hahahaha” “z blood was…”

The friends who will take a lame joke to the next level

Someone tells a joke in the group, nothing new, UNTIL they take the opportunity to make it bigger, lamer, longer… I check my phone: 357 Whatsapp notifications… Dear Lord… I read everything (because I am that kind of person): 357 texts about the Shawarma going to school, getting a diploma and earning the job of everybody’s dream… WHY WAS I WORKING WHEN MY FRIENDS WERE HAVING THAT KIND OF CONVERSATION? I could have participated and chosen what kind of car the Shawarma should have bought for his daughter’s 18th birthday…

The friends who type with perfect English

With dots, commas and everything. I always take extra minutes to reply to them with the help of some google inspo. I don’t want to be judged.

Them: “Hello! How are you guys? What is up?”

Me: “This above all: to thine ownself be true.
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

So… what kind of Whatsapp friend are you? TELL ME!

Sandr

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