I love going to the beach.
Seeing the beach is like seeing a desserts buffet: I feel amazed, ambitious and fat.
Anyway, here are my fave kinds of people I enjoy seeing at the beach.
We all go to the beach and post pictures about it. I take a picture of the beach, a good amount of selfies, a shot of me and my friends and that is it. I also take an artsy picture of my toes for Instagram and make a friend take my pic jumping and that is it. Oh and I also take a picture of my food with the waves behind it and that is it. Okay. I take lots of pictures. Everybody does. But there are weird picture-taking people out there. I am not talking about the girl who selfies her “beach day” away. I am talking about this guy:
IPhone, selfie sticks, go pro, goggles… He takes hours setting everything up with a serious face on. This person is going to shoot the most amazing National Geographic documentary ever made about the beach I can feel it. His backpack is full of photography equipment. I keep on watching him while eating my taouk under the burning sun. He tests the water. He is a professional, a surfer maybe or a diver. And then he goes in the water carrying all of his devices at once. This guy obviously knows what he is doing. He calls his friends who were patiently tanning nearby. OMG he has a crew! And then, they all start jumping and screaming and splashing water for one whole minute. He gets out of the water AND CHECKS EVERY SINGLE PICTURE HE JUST TOOK. The hell just happened? Did someone else witness this scene? The go pro should be so proud… I go back to my precious taouk and finish it in two bites. OH NO! I forgot to take a picture of it glistening under the sunlight… Damn it.
Most of the time, tattoos are nice. At the beach the people’s artsy inks inspire me. Some are very beautiful and some are very well… weird. The Only-God-can-judge-me boy is my favorite. There is one in every resort or public beach I go. I wonder: will this sentence inked on his chest or on his back in Times New Roman 72 ever save him if he were sent to court?
– Inked boy: Excuse me Sir the human judge; please acknowledge that only God can judge me! It is written on my skin.
– The human judge: Oh I am so sorry young man. You are free to go. And please take with you my diplomas; I clearly do not need them.
Trust me, with this tattoo; God is already judging you. And God is judging me for judging you by telling you that God is already judging you. Hmmm… I should tattoo this long sentence on my whole body.
While sipping on my 10$ tiny full of ice I have been robbed lemonade cup, I noticed a group of tattooed friends: scorpions, snakes, spiders… WHY? Other than being a Scorpio (okay), a fakir (okaaay), Spiderman (okaaaaaay), why would anyone tattoo these creatures on themselves? Are they related to them? They do not freak them out? Imagine a spider with your face tattooed on one of its 8 hairy legs:
- The hipster spider: yo bro I need a quick favor.
- The high tattoo artist: waraaaap aarich! How are you mate? Tell me.
- THS: I need you to tattoo this mystical creature on my strong leg.
- THTA: Ahhh bro! It is some ugly shiiiit. Don’t you run away from these species?
- THS: Yeah but I want something bad-hairy-ass. And please I want it to show really well while I do my mating dance for the spidies at the beach.
- THTA: I hear you mate. You got it. Choose your design for this catalogue.
Other than taking pictures and contemplating tattoos, I also happen to tan and swim, occasionally.